Happiness Is As Happiness Does

I was talking to a friend who is working on a degree. For one of her classes, she had to write a paper about happiness and needed to interview a certain number of people. I don't know how many interviews she had to do, but I was honored when she added me to her list. I love interviews. Not the camera in your face while you clutch the microphone in white-knuckled terror and paste a brittle smile on your face as you try to remember how to form human speech. I hate those. I can't stand those. Those interviews are always simultaneously interminable and too brief. They are just long enough for me to feel like I tripped over my words with my foot shoved in my mouth and not long enough to try to repair the damage done by my awkwardness.

 This interview was the other kind. This was the kind of interview I have done a few times for other friends also working on their degrees. The kind of interview that feels like what it is, a conversation about an interesting topic with a good friend. A couple doughnuts and coffee could easily replace the clipboard between us as they ask questions and conversation, and sometime discussion, ensue. I love that sort of interview. It's so relaxed and frequently my friend and I discover a new bond we otherwise might never have known we shared.

When my friend asked if I could answer a couple questions for her class, I quickly agreed. When she said they were about happiness, I thought, "Cool, never been asked that before." She asked me about times that I had been happy, times from childhood, my teen years and adulthood. Now I hadn't really thought much about it, but all-in-all I think I'm generally a happy sort of person.

Not that you can necessarily be happy all the time. Somehow the thought of that feels a little creepy to me. If you are always happy all the time, do you truly appreciate it? It seems like it might be easy to take it for granted if it's always there. I think there are ups and downs and that you do not have to be permanently happy to be a generally happy person. As I was telling my friend some of my happiest times, she commented, "It seems like you are happiest when you are accomplishing things or sharing times with other people." I think she's right. I fondly recall the first time I was on a horse, riding tandem with my mom, getting silly with my grandmother having late-night crossword marathons (not such happy memories for my aunt who had to get to sleep in spite of our giggles), managing to letter in tow foreign languages simultaneously, holding my children for the first time, mastering a new skill, combing my grandfather's hair and so many other experiences that left me with a warm feeling and pleasant memories.

 As I said earlier, I don't know how many interviews were done before mine, but as we talked, my friend commented with a smile, "You're the first person I've interviewed who didn't list a bunch of things that made them happy. The perfect kitchen, a new car, that sort of thing. It's about actions and people with you." I hadn't really thought about it until she mentioned it, but I guess she's got something there. When she mentioned using things to find happiness, my immediate response was, "But they're just things! Things can't make you happy, they're just stuff, they don't do anything. They're tools, it's what you do with them that matters."

 Maybe it's the by-product of being raised in a rural setting by a close-knit family that came of age during the Depression, but "stuff" was never our focal point. Our focus was on the people and how we helped each other. If there was a wreck, the first question was, "Is everyone OK?" followed closely by "How can we help?" Your house burned down? "First, is everyone OK, was anyone hurt?" and then again, "How can we help? You can stay with this aunt first while this one gets her guest room cleaned up for you and we'll make it through together."  That's where happiness came from. Knowing that whatever you may have lost, you hadn't lost the people you cared about, those were willing to gather you into their arms and help make everything right again.

I think happiness is transitory. It is not permanent, it is not fixed, it's changeable. It likes to hide, to play peek-a-boo from time to time, that's what makes it worthwhile, but it's never far away. It's like the small child that wanders just far enough away to peek around a tree trunk, challenging you to come swoop it into your arms and whirl it in a gleeful circle. If you truly desire happiness, I believe you look for it. You can find pretty much anything you are determined to find. You want to find promise, it's there, you want to find gloom, not a problem. You want to find happiness, search it out. For me, it comes from finding the humor that's all around. If you look for the positive in things, it's difficult to remain unhappy for long. So that, I've decided is my new project. I think I can find something positive to jot down every single day and that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to try to share a little bit of the happiness that's playing tag just around the corner.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday

Monday- Irish dance classes started up and while I think the median age of our group this time may have dropped below the voting age, I got to reconnect with some classmates from last year, meet some lovely new students and most of all, got the chance to dance, dance, dance. I love it when my feet find the music and I can just go with it. I always wind up wishing the class could last a bit longer, but I'm not sure the class that comes in after us would be thrilled with that plan.

Tuesday- It sounds odd, but I'm really glad I got sent home from work sick. It started out as a little tickle, but it didn't improve, so my boss sent me home at lunch time. I love the fact that I work in a place that tries to keep germs from running rampant. If I had felt poorly before I got there, my boss would have told me to stay home in the first place. The timing meant I got a half day's pay before we threw in the towel, and I have the knowledge that I work with folks who respect and care about each other. This made me especially happy after I had to swing by the gas station where I witnessed an employee who they thought might have pneumonia. She sounded terrible, hacking away in the corner, but I doubt she could afford to take the day off. It made me so appreciative of my work environment.

Wednesday- I got to read a new book by one of our favorite authors. The kids loved his first book and the second one is rapidly approaching the same status. Even the teenager came in to listen and that doesn't happen very often. It made for some really nice together time.